quite a spectacle

October 25th, 2009

Tagged bloopers, clay ball, new pair of glasses, parenting curfews, when to see an eye doctor

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My Dear Readers,

I hope you don’t mind me sharing this secret with you: My daily life sometimes seems filled to the brim, actually to overflowing, with a never-ending series of mortifying blooperisms…

Does this ever happen to you?

For example, the other day, I was running a bit late, when I met a Very Talented Lady…she showered me with stories of her accomplishments, gifts, & amazing achievements…Finally, when she paused for a breath, I meant to belt out a heartfelt, “You are so lucky!” but instead what popped out was, “You are so yucky!”

My goodness, was I embarrassed beyond belief!….

To cover it up, I quickly tried to say, “I mean, you are very, VERY LUCKY!” but again, what burst out was, “I mean, you are VERY, VERY YUCKY!” And so it went on, until I finally murmured some incoherent choking sounds along with making the Universal Signal for Distress & fled the scene!

WHY? Why do these things happen?

Another thing…my eyesight has never been very good, but it has suddenly gotten a bit worse since coming to Earth, & that has gotten me into some hot soup this past week as well…these do not really fall into the category of bloopers per se, but…

First, I had a run-in with a birch tree…capsizing the space kayak & tumbling down on top of my innocent, unsuspecting neighbor, Mr. Peter!

Later, while at the market, I spotted my dear friend Tabasco, & zoomed over to give her a hug…

…only to find that I was scaring a complete stranger, whom I mistaken for my dearest friend…

…Next, I accidentally ignored my kind neighbor Lon…

…unfortunately mistaking him for that pear which has been sitting out on the windowsill lately…

The last straw, however, came early Saturday morning…

What happened was, I have been having a dilemma with my dear son, whom I love with all my heart, LB! He has been coming home very late past his curfew…and it gets me so worried that I can’t sleep a wink until he is home!

Even though I have read ever single parenting book in the library for calm & enlightened parenting…& I have tried all of the ancient poems & remedies from my home planet …

…I still have a habit of something the children call muttering….when I have reached a certain point of exasperation, I will start to go about muttering & muttering…

Dear Readers, I know that NO parenting book suggests muttering, but I just have not been able to kick the muttering habit…Sometimes I sputter & mutter, mutter, stutter, & sputter…it is not a pretty sight!

So on Saturday morning, after LB again came home VERY late the night before… when I saw my dear son, I started muttering…

Suddenly…I heard a very calm, quiet voice nearby say, “Clay Ball……Clay Ball…….Clay Ball“

I thought, ”Ah-ha!” I was having some kind of a breakthrough! I thought it was The Quiet Voice of Reason that one reads so much about in stories!

But, then, with a shock, I realized that I had actually been muttering to my dear, kind brother-in-law Thor, who had come for a visit! LB was not even in the room!

Ohhhhh, that was a bit embarrassing…because the muttering had gone on for quite some time…

After that incident, my friend Tabasco took me aside, & said matter-of-factly, “Clay Ball, you need to see an eye doctor & get some glasses! Without delay!”

On our tiny planet, we don’t have eye doctors or glasses…we clay balls with poor eyesight usually stay a bit closer to home, & we often develop a 7th sense to compensate…

…but since I am here on Earth, I agreed with Tabasco that I would go see an eye doctor that very day!

So, my dear Readers, if one day you spot a tiny space kayak…carrying a small reddish-clay-colored ball…wearing pink eyeglasses…